Friday, January 28, 2011

I Don't Wear a Cape or Have Super Hero Strength

Lest you think I am somehow above temptation or that I have some kind of never ending source of energy . . . I, too have my moments. Maybe you can relate to this moment.

Yesterday at work I was feeling a little tired and run down after my yoga class. I had my lunch and later my afternoon snack . . . but I just felt so tired and my head was foggy feeling and I had just the slightest twinge in the back of my ribs that had be concerned that I might be developing pleurisy again (I have had it three times in the past two years).

At 4:15 I started getting the desire for a Cherry Pepsi. Now this is just odd, because I have never been a soda drinker at any time in my life. A soda a week would be a lot for me. the last time I had a soda of any kind was the day of my marathon, November 13, 2010. So, I started thinking, there must be a reason I NEED a soda. Is it the sugar? Are my carbs too low today? A quick check of my carbs tells me, no, it is a higher carb day, I should be fine.

So, I decided that I will just drink some water and put off the NEED for a while to see what happens. Well, the NEED for a soda added a DESIRE for Ruffles and french onion dip. WHAT?!!! Why? I could not even tell you when the last time was that I had either on of those items. But they were on of my favorite binge items to torture myself with back at the height of my eating disorder days.

So, it is settled. I will 'allow' myself to have the Cherry soda . . . I don't really do sugar and I don't do 'diet' anything because of artificial sweeteners. Of the two I take real sugar. I go to the break room and pull a regular Cherry Pepsi out of the fridge and look at the label. WHAT!!!!! 160 calories!!!! I don't think so. I am not drinking 160 empty calories. There are nutritious foods I cuold be eating that have less calories than that! Then I pull out the 'diet' version, ) calories. I squeeze my eye shuts and pretend not to see the list of ingredients.

As I am driving to town, sipping my soda, I start thinking about the chips again. Maybe instead of Ruffles and dip, I could just stop at the convenience store and get a small bag of Sunchips. Could I do that? Could I walk in the store and just get the Sunchips? I'm not feeling my resolve is that strong today, the Combos are right beside the Sunchips and I haven't had Combos since the marathon.

Okay, okay, I don't need the Sunchips or the Combos. I will go in the store and just pick up a pack of sugar free gum. That is what I will do. I can do that. I can make wiser choices, I am strong enough to do this. I don't have to cave and crumble. I have made awesome choices all month and have amazing results for those choices. Surely I am strong enough to ...

....just drive past the convenience store girl. You got bigger goals than getting a little 'fix'. Dinner will be ready when you get home. Tilapia, steamed veggies and a sweet potato. don't want to feel bloated. You are at a good weight and a good calorie deficit for the day. You have stayed on track and only have 42 more days in this countdown. You have walked away from food MUCH more tempting than chips, dip or combos....really. How amazing will it feel to slip on that little size 10 dress on the day of your son's wedding and have it fit perfectly? Better than eating chips? Better than eating combos? Which is harder doing a pull up or over coming this temptation? You know what hard work feels like, this should not even be hard. Which will get me close to my goal?

Nope, I don't wear a cape and I do not have super hero strength....but I am exercising my better judgment to overcome temptations that do not serve even on of my purposes or goals.

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