Friday, June 24, 2011

It Requires Focus

I am staying with my in-laws in Virginia. They live in the town that I moved from, so I am very familiar with the area. My parents live five minutes from here, so this is a convenient place to stay. My parents have a really small house with no place for guests to stay other than the living room floor.

This mornings training schedule was a 9 mile bike ride, 2 mile run and day two of my twelve week TRX training. I am used to the little town I live in in Indiana. There is hardly any traffic and I can crank out 8 - 10 miles without worrying about seeing more than 4 - 5 cars.

This morning I really had to focus on that white line on the road. It was an extra workout trying to hold it steady and pedal for all I was worth to get the job done and get out of traffic as soon as possible. I was praying hard, not for my safety as much as for the drivers around me, that they would be alert ... not distracted or texting . . .that they would see me and be courteous and generous in giving me a margin of the road.

I needed this focus, keep it on the line girl, steady and straight . . . all you can control is you and your bike in this moment. Everything else is in Gods hands. He's got the whole world in HIS hands . . . I start singing and the tears start flowing. There we go, a little hormonal release is always a good thing.

There are a lot of things going on right now that I don't have any control over. People who I love are ill, unhealthy and struggling. It is hard to see. I weighs heavy on my heart. My mom is sicker than anyone let me know. To see my mother in pain and weak is hard. I want to scoop her up and take care of her and make her pain go away. But I cannot. I just found out about this last night when I got here and saw her. My mother in law is starting radiation and chemo on Monday as the precautionary follow up to the colostomy she had done a couple months ago for rectal cancer.

I am watching the quality of life for these two women go into sharp decline and it aches my heart. So, this morning as my thighs were aching and the bike was rocking from the passing 18 wheelers and my arms went numb from trying to keep from getting sucked into the draft of the passing trucks, I rode with an added fuel and fire in my belly. Do my health choices and exercise insure me again a fate similar to these two ladies? No. But, they do add quality to my life right now. And I will run, ride, lift, train, eat clean and lift mean . . . because I can. Right now it is a struggle for my mom to even take a flight of stairs without pain . . . she used to be my daily biking partner just seven years ago and I know her fighter spirit would LOVE to be out there biking. So who am I to fuss over aching thighs, numb arms and having to work for something I want.

All I can do is focus on what is right here, right now . . . just like that line on the road . . . God has the rest in HIS hands. I trust He will safely see me home, and care for the people I love in ways I cannot. This morning as my bike made it safely back into the subdivision, I exhaled, had a sense of relief and allowed the bike to just coast as I unlatched my helmet strap . . . thank you for safely seeing me home.


  1. Praying for you and your family.

  2. wonderful blog Carolyn... Thanks. You know I am praying for you consistently in this difficult time.