Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Planning to Stay Clean

I wrote a blog to express some of the struggles I have had through the years with bulimia. I am not arrogant enough to consider my self 'cured' but I had thought I was healed better than I am. The blog got deleted when my computer locked up. Maybe it was one I needed to write, but others didn't need to read. Or maybe it was one that needs more thought before it is written in full.

The short version is that eating disorders are real and are really destructive. This is a very stressful time for me this month. The end of a fiscal year happening in conjunction with my two month 'vacation' from my job, so a lot of loose ends to tie up. My son is graduating and getting married this month. So many decisions to make, so much to take care of . . . I think I felt the ground shift under my feet today.

There was a brief moment in my day I questioned my ability to make sound choices for myself. In those moments I am so blessed that I have my Core 6 (support girls) and that I have a plan, a written plan. I don't have to count on how I am feeling about myself or about food. I just follow the plan. Is clean eating the plan for everyone, maybe not, but it is the lifestyle I select and trust to keep my moods steady and my body fueled, even when I am stressed and tired.

There you go, it is now verified, I am human, I have cracks and sometimes I break. I had a nice cry today after work and went out for a run. Better therapy than chocolate . . . wait a minute, I'm not THAT crazy!

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